Note: The original text was translated from the King's English to formal redneck jabber. Transcripts of the original text can be obtained at the behest of the author. All elongated vowels and unsubstantiated conjugations are intentional and relevant. Please enjoy.
Lemme ask ya'll a question. Where in all of God's good graces did all this damn ol' snow come from? I'll tell ya'll what: people ain't made for this ridiculousness. As a gentleman of southern distinction I pride myself on worldliness and moral fortitude. But I gotta say this here weather's got me more fired up than a frog in a dynamite pond. It just ain't right. I mean, who am I to question the Good Lord Almighty in any matters meteorological? And yet I find myself pondering His infinite wisdom. Why Dear Lord did you decide to subject your loyal adherents to such adversity? It don't make no damn sense. You surely do work in mysterious ways. I ain't seen such unsure footin' since Buzz Armstrong made that whole big deal 'bout ambulatin' all over the moon. And I ain't even positive that shit was for real. I s'pose what I'm tryin' to get at is despite all your glory I still got cold feet and wet socks. I surely ain't one to question things of any ethereal nature, but you got me all convoluted and perplexed. In summation, Lord I give praise to your majesty, but can we please get a thaw? As you well know I ain't built for this shit...
(picture courtesy of Google and God's wrath)
hahaha!
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